Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Alien Vs. Predator (2004) — This movie isn’t quite the unwatchable dogshit some have made it out to be, but it is profoundly mediocre at almost every turn.  The combination of the two franchises is one highly anticipated by geeks ever since that alien skull donned the hunter’s trophy wall in Predator 2.  This movie even finds a halfway decent premise to bring the two together, but really lets down both franchises in the process.  The first really geeky problem I have with it is that the predators have always been attracted to warm climates in their movies but instead they placed their tribal hunting pyramid in Antarctica… why?  Why on Earth for that matter but I suppose that serves as a conveniant excuse for the human characters to show up (and Antarctica is isolated enough to get rid of that nagging “so no one’s ever noticed that huge underground pyramid before?” question).  Second problem is that in a franchise after six R-rated movies this one pussies out and goes PG-13.  I watched the “unrated” director’s cut and it’s still PG-13 level shit.  That means not only do they skimp on the gore, but they also have to truncate the predator series tagline “you’re one ugly motherfucker.”  The characters are wooden and uninteresting and the shallow attempts to give them backstories don’t work.  The Predators are picked off way too quickly which really minimizes the whole “versus” aspect of the movie… which was kind of the whole point.  Bonus points for having Lance Henriksen as the founder of The Weyland Group though (one of the companies that becomes the evil Weyland-Yutani business in the Alien franchise).  All in all this movie is wasted opportunity squander by Paul W.S. Anderson (many online geeks have speculated that W.S. stands for “worthless shit”).  One day maybe they’ll make a good movie combining these two franchises.  I hope to see that movie someday but it hasn’t happened yet.

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