Black Christmas (2006)

Black Christmas (2006) — So I know the original is a classic and the first modern slasher movie and blah blah blah but I like this one better.  Why, you may ask?  Because this movie is deliriously fucked-up on damn near every level.  It’s not really a “good” movie by any commonly accepted definition, but it really does go for broke on the whole “ew, that ain’t right” front.  And that’s not referring to the whole “bloody slasher movie set at important Christian holiday” thing (which I guess did spawn some protests when this movie was released in 2006).  The original features a bunch of phone calls from the killer (spoiler: they’re coming from inside the house!   Ooooooo!) that make some nonsensical rambling about people named Billy and Agnes and something about a baby and the phrase “what have you done” is used a lot.  In the end of the movie nothing about the killer is revealed except maybe that his name might be Billy.  That probably makes the original a better movie.  The remake figures “fuck that.”  Remakes seem to eschew that kind of ambiguity (for example Rob Zombie’s Halloween ruined the myster of Michael Myers in favor of a white trash hard luck origin story).  The backstory provided for Black Christmas‘s slasher Billy Lenz is a fucked-up tale of murder, incest, and cannibalism.  THAT’S WHAT KIND OF MOVIE THIS IS.  The thing is all this isn’t particularly well-done.  It’s all insanely over-the-top that leads to the final product being laughably ridiculous.  Maybe it’s just my sick sick sense of humor, but that works for me.  In the end, Black Christmas ’06 is an eyeball-eating good time for depraved moviegoers like myself…

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