The Video Dead (1987)

The Video Dead (1987) — Even by the low, low standards of direct-to-video blood-and-guts horror movies of the 1980s, this movie is a great big steaming pile of dog shit. Okay, now if I point out of everything that’s wrong with this movie like the shitty acting and the almost nonexistent production values you might say “but wait, Jake… aren’t those flaws in pretty much every blood-and-guts horror movie from that tacky decade known as the 1980s?” That may be true but I’m not even sure how to describe how it’s SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE in this movie. I don’t know what compelled me to sit through this entire movie. Perhaps just the love I bear the genre. Whatever. God damn, this movie sucks. I cannot describe how bad this fucking movie is. It’s not “so bad it’s good” like oh so many of these types of movies. It’s just so bad it’s really fucking bad… A zombie did jump out of a washing machine to kill someone, which did make me laugh. That’s the only thing in the whole god damn movie that registered as a positive.

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