Oldboy (2013)

Oldboy (2013) – I have gone on record many times saying I am not against remakes. I do, like many people, bemoan the sheer quantity of them because Hollywood studios have become so risk-averse that they don’t want to take chances on anything that doesn’t have an established brand or other proven performance record… but … Continue reading

Alien 3 (1992)

Alien 3 (1992) – So in 2003 the Alien series came out in a deluxe edition box set somewhat stupidly called the Alien “Quadrilogy.” (Quartet. The fucking word is quartet.) Ridley Scott came out with a new Director’s Cut of Alien. James Cameron supervised the restoration of his Director’s Cut of Aliens. Jean-Pierre Jeunet created … Continue reading

Some Girl(s) (2013)

Some Girl(s) (2013) – To cinema-goers the legacy of Neil LaBute may be secured as the writer and director of 2003’s remake of The Wicker Man. I still have yet to gaze upon its awfulness but it replaces the slow-burn (pun sort of intended) of the original with Nicolas Cage in a bear suit punching … Continue reading

Once (2006)

Once (2006) – Oh, what a thing is hype. There was a time when I worked at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco. Periodically we would get passes to see movies well in advance of their release. That’s actually how I saw Slumdog Millionaire and Knocked Up. One day I was in the break room … Continue reading

Braveheart (1995)

Braveheart (1995) – Every time a new Roman Polanski movie opens it typically get lavished with praise from film critics but there is always an outcry of “how can you celebrate the work of a convicted child rapist?” The same happens for Victor Salva. Even for film-makers like Woody Allen and Bryan Singer, who have … Continue reading

Pain & Gain (2013)

Pain & Gain (2013) – I would just like to point out, before venturing into any sort of valid critique, that this is the only movie about which one can say and be grammatically correct “from the director of and starring The Rock.” Had to get that out of the way… Let us consider the … Continue reading

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) – What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me… don’t hurt me no more…) Seriously, though. We’re not sexually monogamous by nature, but we pair up with other people exclusively anyway. Also if you really think about it, every relationship you have ever been in or are in or … Continue reading

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) – Despite the early promise of Antz, I never really felt that DreamWorks Animation existed on the same level as an animation studio like Pixar. Despite some strong showings like the first couple Shrek movies, Megamind, Monsters vs. Aliens, and the Madagascar flicks, DreamWorks Animation films always felt … Continue reading

22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street (2014) – Continuing with his meta streak from the first film, virtually all of Nick Offerman’s dialogue (and he isn’t in that much of the movie) is a reference to the film itself. He says that nobody expected the 21 Jump Street program to work. It shouldn’t have worked. Everybody was surprised … Continue reading

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) – So for some time, I have been having some issues with Family Guy. It still has a certain way with irreverent and offensive humor, but it’s best jokes tend to be in cutaway gags that have nothing to do with the main narrative. I mean, … Continue reading